(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Oracle hires Kramer in US$100 million spokesperson deal
Okay, that headline is completely untrue but what better way for the business software maker to counter Microsoft’s recent contract win with Jerry Seinfeld? While Redmond is trying to out-cool Apple, Cosmo Kramer would bring some much-needed levity to Larry Ellison’s sweat shop by acting as comic foil.
Other great celebrity-vendor pairings we’d like to see? How about Mike Mysers (as Dieter) for SAP, Fred Savage (who could pass for a young Michael Dell) for Dell and for IBM you could cast . . . um, there’s really no one that could make Big Blue appear very cuddly. Except maybe Cookie Monster.
Add to: del.icio.us | Digg IT | Furl | Google | magnolia | StumbleIT | Wink | Yahoo! Technorati
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Even highly educated spammers need a good spellcheck
With most schools having already completed their commencement ceremonies, Shark Tales has realized the only way to catch up to these smarty-pants new kids is to take advantage of e-mail offers such as the following, which arrived in a colleauge’s inbox this morning:
“Bacheelor, MasteerMBA, and Doctoraate diplomas available in the field of your choice that’s right, you can even become a Doctor and receive all the benefits that comes with it!”
Apparently those benefits do not include a good sense of spelling and grammar. As Sharky’s colleague commented, “Wow … nominated for an MBA … and I would have settled for a Bacheelor, since I don’t have time to do a dissertation for my Doctoraate.” Really, with all this crap coming into our Outlook accounts, who does?
Add to: del.icio.us | Digg IT | Furl | Google | magnolia | StumbleIT | Wink | Yahoo! Technorati
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Get those fat, lazy kids away from the computer!
It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. Well, maybe it isn’t, because it’s so prevalent: kids spend too much time in front of monitor screens, whether it’s to surf the Internet, play games or watch TV, according to a recently-published report card from Active Healthy Kids Canada. (Of course, if its brand reflected reality, Active Healthy Kids Canada would be known as Chubby Sickly Kids Canada.)
“Among Canadian youth in Grades 6 to 10, screen time on weekends worked out to seven hours and 25 minutes per day, while weekday time amounted to five hours and 56 minutes a day,” CP reported. Sounds like they’re ready for jobs in tech support. Assuming they don’t have heart attacks first.
Add to: del.icio.us | Digg IT | Furl | Google | magnolia | StumbleIT | Wink | Yahoo! Technorati
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Nortel: Alberta boom? What Alberta boom?
Rising oil prices are turning Calgary into an economic juggernaut, but that’s not good enough for Nortel Networks, which announced it would be pulling out of the city by the end of next year.
At least 400 will be out of a job as the company focuses more attention on Toronto and Ottawa. This was primarily an R&D facility. Guess it’s hard to brainstorm new ideas when you’re too busy counting all the money flowing into your province.
Add to: del.icio.us | Digg IT | Furl | Google | magnolia | StumbleIT | Wink | Yahoo! Technorati
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...April is the cruellest month for ex-Samsung chairman Lee
After special prosecutors in South Korea ended a three-month probe by indicting Lee Kun-hee on charges of evading 112.8 billion won ($113 million) in taxes last week, the troubled Samsung chairman said he would step down. He apologized for “troubles to the nation” but did not seem sorry at all about the crappy Samsung BlackJack.
“Until recent weeks, South Koreans were unaccustomed to hearing much publicly from Lee, who has been described as a loner with a fascination for gadgets and how they work,” an Associated Press story said. Something tells us he’ll be a loner after this is all over, too.
Add to: del.icio.us | Digg IT | Furl | Google | magnolia | StumbleIT | Wink | Yahoo! Technorati
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...HP Canada’s best customer gets seven years in the Big House
Former Department of Defence weasel Paul Champagne was sentenced this week after defrauding taxpayers of $100 million through phoney invoices sent to HP, the kind of behaviour that in better times would have earned him a seat in the Canadian senate.
But don’t cry too hard for Champagne, who though a plea bargain arrangement should be eligible for day parole after serving only one-sixth of his seven-year sentence, or 14 months. (At which point we fully intended to follow up with a story about his bright future in the private sector, headlined “Champange still wishes for caviar dreams.”)
Don’t cry for HP, either. James Bagnall of the Ottawa Citizen did some digging and discovered some interesting details of a civil suit the computer giant filed against Champagne in 2004.
“HP reached an out of court settlement with Champagne in 2005. Key to the deal in the civil suit was Champagne’s agreement to transfer title of his major assets to HP — including properties in Dunrobin and the Turks & Caicos, and shares in Kanata-based Workstream, a high-tech firm specializing in human resources software.”
HP might want to try offering some of those HR tools back to the DND, which clearly could do a better job with the whole screening process.
Add to: del.icio.us | Digg IT | Furl | Google | magnolia | StumbleIT | Wink | Yahoo! Technorati
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Ryerson Facebook flap forces students to abandon homework and use the site for the waste of time it was originally meant to be
So first-year computer engineering student Chris Avenir, who created an online group to cheat (er, discuss school assignments) with his fellow classmates, didn’t get expelled after all, forcing legions of “Save Chris” Facebook group creators to hastily scrap their plans and Avenir to add an integrity course to his curriculum (Lesson No. 1: First year engineering is for getting pie-faced at keg parties, nerd). Now we can all go back to conducting more high-value activities on the social networking site. Like playing Scrabulous.
